I’m here to tell you that common sense ain’t so common anymore
I recently spoke to a group of young girls and having that experience got me thinking about all the good advice, and all the bad advice I’ve received in my life. This week Zac and I are talking about the things we tell ourselves, the things we shouldn’t tell ourselves anymore, and the “Kimisms” that have guided me on my journey. So listen up, because like my daddy always says, you can’t fly with the eagles if you’re busy scratching with the turkeys.
You know this is a good one because I’m getting cold chills, y’all!
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*This transcript was auto-generated*
Kim Gravel: In our society and in life and in like our culture, we're constantly trying to shove people into a molder in a box and people say, well, they broke the mold when they made you. There's never been a mold. Oh, hey y'all. Welcome to LOL with Gravel. This is a comedy podcast for women where we laugh about the messiness of life and we turn that mess into a message of confidence and hope.
Now look, my mission is to encourage and lift up. Yeah, we're lifting up women everywhere, and this show is about how we can embrace our real selves and laugh about this. Stuff that life throws our way. So, y'all ready? I am. Let's live out loud. Laugh out loud. We gonna love out loud together. All right, here we go.
Listen. You know, I know it's gonna be a good show. You know how I know it.
Zac Miller: How do you know Kim?
Kim Gravel: Because I got chills. And they multiplying. I mean it really like when I get, have you ever felt. Oh, you know, like my, you get chills when you get cold chills and not because you're nippy. Cuz you know, I'm never nippy.
I always having hot flashes. I dunno if it's like hot flashes.
Zac Miller: It's, yeah, no, I don't get those. But no, I get chills.
Kim Gravel: You will get 'em, you will get, you'll get the sympathy flashes when you get older. But no, I mean, for me to get chills, I always pay attention to the chills.
Zac Miller: Okay. Do you, do you mean like full body?
Like you're, you get the like ship, you're just like,
Kim Gravel: Oh, Zac, there's so much for you to learn.
Zac Miller: Yes, of course. I get the chills.
Kim Gravel: No, I'm just like, when I'm feeling like, or, you know, I'm scared I'm walking down the street. Yes. You know, and something, and I, you know, get the hair stem and you get chilled.
Zac Miller: Oh, yeah.
Kim Gravel: That's what I'm talking about.
Zac Miller: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You're 6 sense, you're, you're, you're, yes, definitely. Yeah.
Kim Gravel: You're sixth sense.
Zac Miller: You have that right now.
Kim Gravel: I did during the opening. This way I know it's gonna be a good show.
Zac Miller: Okay. I think it is too
Kim Gravel: So let me just tell you what happened to me this week.
Zac Miller: Okay. Hit me with it.
Kim Gravel: I have started, you know, I, when we did Kim of Queens, you know, I was, I was helping these young girls really, you know, find their footing, you know, build their confidence not only in pageants, but you know, even for college interviews or, or what have you. And, I had. , not take a break from it, but really scale back and focus on building the brands, you know, the Belle by Kim Gravel brands.
And so, I've just recently I've, I've figured out that I miss that so much. Like, it's such a passion of mine to see women rise and especially these young women who, you know, might not have their feet yet not find their footing. Yeah. And so I started back speaking nothing big just locally here to people and you know, who ask and.
Just my little local area. And so I went in and spoke to this, this girl's group at this, at this high school. And it was so good to be back working with kids, but all of them, of course, loved Kim of Queens. Were like, oh, tell me about this. Tell me this story. Tell me this story. And we loved your Kimisms and you know, they thought it was funny.
And I really got to really speak to their individuality and their uniqueness and some of these things they had never heard before on how to build confidence, Zac. Like things that we know, like, you know, beauty's on the inside and, you know, just little, little things like that that they were, like, they've heard, but, you know, we kind of drilled it down and had a deeper meaning.
It was such a great time and I, I really realized how much I miss, you know, speaking. And, and really, you know, encouraging people in a live setting. So I'm glad we're doing the podcast, is what I'm saying because we get to do that in this video form on QVC plus we do, and on the podcast. And I feel like, you know, I think I'm always gonna be doing this, you know what I mean?
Zac Miller: Oh yeah. This is Kim. Honestly, this is you. I like, I see.
Kim Gravel: Well, I hope people like it too. I hope people like it too.
Zac Miller: Me too. You know it's funny, I'm always so surprised, like I work with young people too, you know? I teach.
Kim Gravel: And you're a college professor.
Zac Miller: I'm so surprised at like the stuff they have never heard that they don't know.
Kim Gravel: I know, right? It's like common sense. It's not so common anymore. That's, that's something that's truly true, today. You know, I mean it common sense. Ain't that common anymore.
Zac Miller: Well, look, if it's not on TikTok, it's not real.
Kim Gravel: I mean, I know, but I like TikTok. Sorry.
Zac Miller: Yeah, me too.
Kim Gravel: It's really sad. I do, I'm, I, I get lost in the rabbit hole of the Tok.
Zac Miller: And Kim, it's funny, like we get so many, uh, like amazing emails from people and. So many people respond to your Kimisms.
Kim Gravel: Hey, look. Who would've thought
Zac Miller: my favorite one that someone wrote from Kim of Queens was, you can't soar with the eagles while you're running around with the turkeys.
Kim Gravel: I did. Do you remember that? I dunno if you were there for that filming. Yeah, that came, you know, look, look, look. That came from my dad. My dad. Everything with the sayings, right? Mm-hmm. , like, he honestly could come up with a saying and it would be like this huge, massive, you know, gut wrenching wisdom and you're just like, oh my God.
And it was just a really like little flippant saying, but he, he, he said that to me. He said, lemme tell you something, girl. You can't, you cannot soar with the eagles if you run around with a bunch of turkeys. So be careful who you hang. And he always used to say, you know, you're only as good as your, you know, weakest link on the team.
And, whatever, something, some other ones he used to say, crap, get off the pot. Okay. That's typical. Yep. And I kind of agree with that one. That's everyone. I mean, that's like, yeah, well that's, that is true. That is truth.
Zac Miller: They're all from your dad though, right? Because everyone wants to know like where they come from.
Like how do you come up with these things ?
Kim Gravel: Oh, you know, my grandmother used to say, call me Butter baby. I'm on a roll. I mean, it's just, Just life
No, I just, but I just remember my dad said this one thing, this really poignant saying, anytime I speak to a large group of women, I, I share this story. Okay. Where I was in, I had had Beau and I was like, you know, all of you women out there watching, you know, when you have children, you go through, , you go through this dip, okay?
Where you're like, oh my gosh, my first of all, your life. This is for, especially for the first child, your life has changed. Your life will never be the same. Okay. This, you, you are in charge of an actual human being. Um, I had to set back on my career and really put that aside to, I chose to be a stay-at-home mom, which was the hardest thing I ever did.
I didn't feel good about myself and the way I looked and I was at my dad's house and mom's house. They were both retired at the time and I had Bo with me and mom was keeping Bo and I was sitting downstairs on my dad's pleather sofa. . Okay. Yeah, it wasn't leather cuz he that cheap and it was kind of like a hot sunny day.
It was like, you know, it was Georgia hot and I was sitting on the pleather sofa , and when I stood up I had shorts on and it almost like peeled the top layer of my skin off. It had stuck to the sofa that much. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm trying to put you in a moment with, and my dad. I was parked, so I was like, Ugh.
It was just that hot. Cuz the man is so cheap, he refused to turn on the ac uhhuh . So, it was that kind of situation. And I was, I was down, I was depressed. I was like, oh, my lung is over staying home and I've gained 30 pounds. I just, and I said, I've gained 30 pounds. I'm just so, I'm so fat. And my dad said, Kim, you're not a fat girl. You're just living like one.
Zac Miller: Hmm. Yeah. Wow.
Kim Gravel: Drop Mike. And I think that's what's happened, like with a lot of us in a lot of different things. Right. It's like when he said that, Zac, I was like, oh my gosh, she is all right.
Zac Miller: Was that one of those moments where, you know, that was like an inflection point for you?
Maybe you didn't know in that moment, but was that an inflection point? Did that change your life?
Kim Gravel: Oh, I knew in the moment it was a dead stop in your tracks changed the trajectory of your life, your perspective shift happened. It changed my world because so many of us are living out of a circumstance. that is basically temporary. My daddy always said this too. If you ain't dead, you ain't done. Yep. And so it, it's that kind of moment like we, we are taking on these things and a lot of of these things that we connect to and, and the circumstances that we live our life out of are not true. I mean, uh, like for me, Yeah, I had just had a baby.
I was in that, you know, I was whining and when my dad said, you're not a fat girl. You're just living like one. You could put that in any context. You're not broke. You just got some debt, right? You're not broke. You're just living like you're broke. Fill in the blank. You're just living like you could fill in the blank for anything that you are struggling with in your life or the circumstances that you're in.
You're not unloveable. We are always making these definitive statements based on untruth, like whatever follows your I am. I am a fat girl. No, that ain't, I am. That's just what I'm dealing with right now. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am intelligent, whole, and loved. I, you know, I am called to a purpose.
I am, you know, whatever follows your I Am is what you follow? So for me, when I said I am a fat girl, I'm just so bad you're not that girl. You're just living like one. So those, those kind of sayings have really kind of shaped my, those Kimisms.
Zac Miller: So that's where they come from basically.
So you're saying, so that, to answer sort of the listener question, Kimisms come from you, they come from your family.
Kim Gravel: It, it comes from experience life experience. Yeah. And I, for me, of course, you know, I'm not some PhD, MBA, you know, Ivy League person. Nowhere near it. I know. It's hard to believe, right?
Zac Miller: It's hard to believe.
Kim Gravel: I've always, I've always like really admired that and really, you know, loved having conversations and settings like that. But I think. The rubber meets the road for me. Another little saying, haha, Uhhuh , is that I have gleaned all this knowledge and this life experience from, you know, people in my life that have gone on before me, which matters.
But you, you do know that. All sayings though, Zac, Are not truths. Like, I mean, I think people love the Kimisms because they're nuggets of truth and fun. Yeah. But do you know how many sayings that we have lived our life by that really are not true?
Zac Miller: Okay. Gimme some examples. Okay. Hit me with few examples.
Kim Gravel: Okay. Like, like, uh, cheaters never win. I've known a lot cheaters.
Zac Miller: Yeah, that's not true.
Kim Gravel: That's a thousand percent not true.
I slept like a baby, first of all. I don't wanna sleep like a baby. Babies get up back five or 6,000 times a night, . That's not true. Um, oh, I like this one. If you work a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Oh, I called BS on that one.
Zac Miller: No, no, no, no. We're the era Kim. We're the era of quiet, quitting. Have you heard that?
Kim Gravel: Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's another good saying, right?
Zac Miller: I saw an article today. It was like quiet quitting, like used to just be called having a job. Like just not taking your work home. Go to work. Just go to work to work.
Do a good job, go home.
Kim Gravel: That's, that's, that's what's going on with my kids right now. My son, who's 15, you know, he has an online business and is doing quite well and I'm very proud of him. But he thinks that's like actual work. I'm like, yeah, that's a side hustle. You've not got to work yet, son.
You know when I'm buying the cards and you don't pay me back for 'em, but you make the money and your dad ships 'em out. That ain't, that ain't your job. That's the side hustle.
Zac Miller: No, no. Kim. Kim. That's not true. He came up with like an incredible profit margin. He's got the profit.
Kim Gravel: So I'm the dummy. I'm the dumb one.
Yeah. I like this one. I like this one.
Zac Miller: Oh, it's a very viable business.
Kim Gravel: Well, and you know, we wanna, we wanna spur on his entrepreneurship, but sometimes I'm gonna get my money back. Okay. This is the one I just thought of. You know, I'll forget if I don't say it right. Flattery will get you nowhere. Oh no, it won't.
It'll get you a lot of places. Me going and flatter. Flattery will get you a lot of places. Jesus.
Zac Miller: Me too. Wait, I, I got one. I got one. I got one. You are what you eat?
Kim Gravel: Well, if I am what I eat, we in trouble. We in some real trouble.
No, I mean, I, I, we we're laughing about it, but like, you know, those are kind of Kimism type, you know, sayings and, but they're not always true. And I think one of my bi, oh, sorry. One of my biggest pet peeves, I actually talked to the girls about it. Um, okay. At the school, my biggest pet pee. with, with the saying is, and we've heard this like a gajillion times, is, uh, they broke the mold when they made you,
Zac Miller: sounds like a bad pickup line.
Kim Gravel: Well, it, it probably is a bad pickup line, but this is, my problem with that is, is there's never been a mold. Everybody is so individual and unique. So it's like we want everybody to be unique and be themselves and follow their bliss and purpose and you know, but they say that we, you know, we. But yet in our society and in life and in like our culture, we're constantly trying to shove people into a molder in a box.
And people say, well, they broke the mow and they made you, there's never been a mold. There's only one you. And I think that like in, in, in that kind of way is that we go back to the habitual ways of thinking. And that's what my dad was trying to say in that basement. He's like, you're not a fat girl, you're just living like one meaning don't follow suit.
My favorite saying, my favorite. It's one of my favorite sayings, and I think Dr. Seus wrote this, you might have to fact check it,
Zac Miller: I'll fact check it.
Kim Gravel: But it says, why fit in when you were born to stand? Oh yeah. And if it wasn't Dr. Seuss, then I'm way off. But it's still a good say. I mean, it could have been there.
It's just why fit in when you're born to stand out? And I think that's the truth. Because there is no mold that you came from. Yeah. You're one of a kind and I, that is my heart's desire is to really, and I have to preach to the choir, is to really. women, young women, all people, to understand that and live authentically.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There are no mistakes. There are no, blemishes, there are no, mishaps. Yeah, we make those choices that sometimes get us in trouble and we make mistakes, but I am not a mistake. You are not a mistake. You can't make enough mistakes to make yourself not matter.
Another saying that it used to really, really upset me when, when people would say to me, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. No, that's, that's not true. God doesn't give you more that he can't handle. Whoa, okay, that's deep. The saying is God doesn't give you more than you can't handle. That puts all the pressure on you.
But God, that's not true. It's totally a thousand percent not true. I'm gonna say it again. God doesn't give you more that he can't handle. Watch what follows your I Am. Watch the sayings that you believe. There was no mold ever. You are one of a kind original, and God can handle it. You don't have. , so, so those sayings you can take to the bank. Oh my gosh. You could take to the bank. You can take it to the bank. That's saying too , take it to the bank, baby ,
Zac Miller: which also makes no sense because we, you know what bank, right. ,
Kim Gravel: what bank where, what's your interest rate gonna be?
Zac Miller: Okay. Kim. Truly. Kim. Kim.
Kim. Think about that. All right. Okay. At the end of this episode, since we don't have a guest this episode, I am gonna ask you some rapid fire questions. Oh, okay. Good. All right. Are you, I'm ready. What was your favorite episode of Kim of Queens?
Kim Gravel: Oh, I had so many, but I think number one, Addison.
Addison's episode. Yeah. It was awesome. And it was so, the energy was high and she was great. She's such a talented talk about somebody being who they are, being authentic, yeah. Yeah. I love that.
And also, also, wait a minute. Also in that episode, I talk about walking in on my mom and dad having sex in my room.
Zac Miller: Oh my God.
Kim Gravel: So it was special . My mom was like, that story, I, I'll never get over that story. Do you remember that? You probably didn't remember. R
Zac Miller: You've talked about in the podcast too?
Kim Gravel: It's, yeah, a lot. Um, well, I have, I mean, I'm scarred for life. Go figure therapy. Go ahead.
Zac Miller: What was your favorite pageant from Kim of Queens.
Kim Gravel: Uh, the mother daughter pageant. When I had all the mothers and daughters participated together,
Zac Miller: that was great.
Kim Gravel: That was a big talk about, that's when this popular saying came about. I'm a tight 12 and a lose 14.
Zac Miller: Oh really?
Kim Gravel: That was hashtag, oh God. I remember the executive at Lifetime calling me on my phone going, Kim, you have changed my entire life of that phase. Because I said it was Angie and she didn't wanna do the pageant. And I said, look girl, I'm a tight 12 and lose 14. I don't wanna get on stage either. And I mean, that blew up and I'm still a tight 12 and a lose 14 . Some things never change, Zac. All right.
Zac Miller: Can we start out with turkeys? Do you prefer chicken or Turkey? ,
Kim Gravel: Turkey.
Zac Miller: Wait, really?
Kim Gravel: But only if you brine it.
Zac Miller: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I can't let that go by. Turkey.
Kim Gravel: Yeah. I love Turkey like. Oh my gosh. And I brine it for like three days before. Oh, yeah. I make the best roasted Turkey you've ever eaten? But I do like to soar with the eagles. So, okay, I won't run around with the turkeys, I'll just eat them.
But I just wanna say that think of your life as big picture. Don't get caught up in the minutiae of your circumstance. We've all got stuff that we deal with that's not pleasant, not fun, and some is really, really hard. Uh, but watch what follows your I Am because let me say this for you right now before we close.
Okay. Whoever's watching, listen, I want you to repeat after me, okay. I am brilliant. I am capable. I am beautiful. I am loved. And I'm one of a kind because girl, that's the truth. I don't care what kind of saying it is. That is the truth. We love y'all. Love y'all, Zac. Good show, right. I told you I was gonna get the cold chills.
Zac Miller: You gave it to me right now. I, I literally was just thinking, I, I have the chills right now, but I was just gonna let it sit, but here we are. All right. Bye. Every.
Kim Gravel: Bye, y'all. Love you.
All right, y'all. So many great people helped make this show possible. LOL is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer, Kathleen Grant, at Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin. Our cover art is designed by Sara Noto and Mike Kligerman edits the show and I wanna give you a special thanks and shout out to the amazing team at QVC Plus, you know that's my family over there at QVC. I love you. Head over to lolkim.com to listen to over 50 free episodes from season one and to sign up for our mailing list, y'all, I love you so much. Thanks for listening.