How Ditching Perfectionism Can Change Your Life with Keren Eldad

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim:

Here we go into the overachievers detox that I am in right now.

Keren Eldad:

The plight of an overachiever is that you essentially become trapped by your own success. Our expectation, our sense of obligation, and our overdrive is affecting the people around us.

Zac Miller:

Honestly, I'm uncomfortable right now, for the record. Just so.

Keren Eldad:

P.S. you're welcome. Kim is giving you like, 20 grand worth of coaching right now.

Kim:

Hey, y', all and welcome to the Kim Gravel Show. I am Kim and always joined by my producer, Zac. Hey, Zac.

Zac Miller:

Hey, Kim. I'm so excited to be here today.

Kim:

I know, Me too. Because you know what? We're doing something different, something that we've never done before. We're bringing a guest back for a second time in the same season. We have never done that before now. It's not for the same reason, though, because this is my personal business coach. And you know what? I had her coach me after her being on the show one time and reading her book Gilded. I even had Amy start coaching with her. She is a powerhouse who has helped me level up how I run my business and even my life.

Kim:

And today on the show, I'm gonna share some of the breakthroughs that I have had with Keren. And so I'm so excited that Keren is back. So everybody please welcome. There you go.

Keren Eldad:

That is so good.

Kim:

Don't you think that's like the best ever intro that you've ever had in any podcast that you've ever been on?

Keren Eldad:

And I told you I played it for my husband, but unfortunately, he still refuses to see me as a deity that deserves to be welcomed in such a way.

Kim:

You know, I feel the same way about Travis.

Keren Eldad:

What are you gonna do?

Zac Miller:

You gotta force this on your husbands. Guys, as a husband, you just. When my wife forces something on me, I just do it. I just go along with it.

Kim:

So you know what's so funny, Zac? Keren, this morning, Travis and I had a 20 minute conversation about how he thinks he's a multitasker and how I know that he is not. And it's just. It's so. And so my next signup for Keren is going to be Travis. That's my next like, because everybody I talked to said, oh, my God, you got to get coaching by Keren. You got to be coached by Keren. Keren, we have been coaching how long now? Since March? April.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, since April. Yeah.

Kim:

I've signed up for. I'm on season two of you.

Keren Eldad:

You're on season two? That's right. Of nobody wants this with Keren Eldad.

Zac Miller:

Wait, does that mean that you got through an entire, like, sort of coaching session? Because you do what, Keren?

Keren Eldad:

Ten sessions, and now she's in advanced coaching or as I'm in advanced coaching. Yeah.

Zac Miller:

Can you. Can we just start. Can we just be. Before you do this, can we just. Keren, Kim is like your student, basically. What grade would you give Kim?

Keren Eldad:

An A++. That's not very good. Because in the coaching universe, what you really want is to tone down. Tone down the gas. And so the impulses, I think, are better. Far more mindful and far more self aware. It's just.

Keren Eldad:

It's still the impulse, the drive, that insatiable drive is still a little bit there.

Kim:

We're working on it. Okay, so first of all, before we dive into you and me and what we've been working on over the last few months, nobody wants this. I binge watch season two binged. Are you done with it, too? Y' all gotta go see that show. Okay, so you've. You have not. You have not. What episode are you on? This is ridiculous that you have not.

Kim:

Oh, I've done. I've watched all 10.

Keren Eldad:

I know. But I, unlike you, am able to pace myself, Kim.

Zac Miller:

Oh, I like this already.

Keren Eldad:

Last longer. I want more time with Hot Rabbi.

Kim:

Okay, and here we go into the overachievers detox kit that I am in right now. Now, this is on your site now. And I've got to tell y', all, Keren, and really, you've changed my life. I'm not trying to be corny and cheesy, but at the very least, you've redirected it. And so many people are where I'm at, where they are on burnout. And I want to talk about that on this. You've got to get her book. You've got to go get coaching from coach Keren.

Kim:

But I want to talk about the burnout. And is that the plight of an overachiever?

Keren Eldad:

The plight of an overachiever is that you essentially become trapped by your own success. You become a victim of your own success. The particular cases that I like to work with are very similar because we're similarly wired. We are people for whom success is easy in many dimensions. For example, some of us are very good looking, we can sing, and we're also very strong business people like Kim, who's a trifecta. And as a result of that, the universe rewards us for this. It gives us praise, it gives us accolades, it makes it open doors it makes us sail through until we realize, usually through burnout, through trauma, through massive overwhelm, that we have essentially built ourselves a very shiny cage. And then we need to upkeep that cage.

Keren Eldad:

The upkeep becomes much more heavy than it's worth. Much more than you're willing to bargain for. And at some point, this overachiever will understand. I've made a bargain here with the devil and I don't want to uphold my part of the bargain anymore. I wonder if there's another way. And my job is to say, well, there happens to be another way.

Kim:

Well, and I do look at. At. At my life or did until we started really connecting and you started really walking me through this cage idea because my cage looked like success. It looked so good. And it was to the point where I don't. I got to go through this because I'm really grasping this because of the things that you've had me do in our homework, which is just. And Keren does not play with the homework people. The girl is baller.

Kim:

Shot caller. I mean, I felt like I was back in my, you know, college days, but I just. My cage. Not only did I put myself in a cage, Keren, but when you started coaching me and I started opening up my eyes, seeing some of the hard truths that because you, a straight talker, started seeing, I did not realize how much of a cage I was putting around people around me. My children, my husband, my parents, my relationships. And I say nothing else after that because I feel like I'm going to cry because I feel like I have just burdened everybody else with my own cage that I've built around myself.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, you're a very loving person. It's the most endearing thing about you. And you're a perfectionist. And so perfectionism and overachieving come. They usually go hand in hand. And by the way, if it wasn't a common experience, give yourself a little slack here. But if it wasn't a common experience, Brene Brown wouldn't have such a huge career, Kim.

Kim:

Or you. Or you or me.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, but I'm a tiny little baby compared to the great Dr. Brown. And perfectionism is extremely pervasive and extremely punishing. And it's very wonderful of you to notice this because the first thing that hurts us is not how much we're being. Beating ourselves up and how much we're trapping ourselves in the cage. We're willing to do that for everybody else. But when we start to understand how much our expectations, our sense of obligation and our Overdrive is affecting the people around us. That is really where the first hurt starts.

Keren Eldad:

Because people who are perfectionists are essentially hugely judgmental towards themselves. That's how we keep ourselves in check. If I can just tell myself that I'm a terrible person if I don't have money or a terrible person if I eat an extra cookie, then I will stay in shape. But unfortunately, inadvertently, you also start doing this to everyone around you. And as a leader, forget as a mother, as a wife, that's a whole other can of worms. But as a leader, that creates a dynamic of overwhelm and a dynamic of stagnation that keeps you away from your potential.

Kim:

I think a lot of us, and I'm going to put myself in that category, are the walking dead are stagnant in the fact that we think we're moving forward. I speak for myself, Keren. I'm thinking I'm moving forward in all reality. I'm just walking in place and I just. Since working with you and I'm not trying to make this about you, but you are on the show and I'm going to make it about you because you are so like my parents and just a straight shooter, right? They're like, that's stupid. Quit doing that. That is how Keren has to talk to me because I'm sometimes a little thick when it comes to stuff like that. But why is all the busy keeping us stagnant in the same place? Especially for women, right? I think women are just, this is our thing.

Kim:

This is our burden to bear.

Keren Eldad:

Because it's easier than saying no, oh.

Kim:

God, I love you.

Keren Eldad:

It's easier to. It's easier to lie to ourselves and to everybody else. It's easier to be busy. It's easier to be what society wants of you. It's easy to continue to perpetuate this freaking charade than to say, I'm not doing this anymore. Deal with it. And women in particular, to become quote unquote selfish is absolutely unacceptable. It's a line we draw in the sand.

Keren Eldad:

The way I coach is first to tell you that's stupid and don't do that because, you know, I don't know. I haven't shaken that side of my personality.

Kim:

It.

Keren Eldad:

But it's also to say and to really just bring real coaching into the mix, Kim, which is to say, is that true? Are you sure about that? In other words, if you're telling me I'm really busy and things are hunky dory, is that true? Where's the data? Show me the data that this is true. How are we doing? How are we really doing? And if you're really able to face the numbers at that point, you're able to face your emotions at that point, you're able to face the betrayals that the patterning that has recurred, you will start to say the truth. And the truth is, I don't like this. I would really like to get off this merry go round now.

Kim:

Why did you do the quotes when you said self? When it came to women, you did a little quotes.

Keren Eldad:

Well, to be busy and to play a role and to be selfish. That's what I put the quotations around, is really in the eye of society. It's the perception of society. It's not. You're not actually being selfish by saying no. You're actually being selfless by saying no. But it's going to be really hard to convince you of that if right now you're beholden to everyone around you who wants to see you a certain way and wants to continue to see you a certain way.

Kim:

Yes. Yes.

Keren Eldad:

To continue to play a part that everybody wants to see and to then to do what you actually want to do and what you actually need to do to get to your next level.

Kim:

So when you're saying being selfish, you're doing the air quotes is. That's actually the opposite of what it really is.

Keren Eldad:

When I started to do what I really wanted to do, I thought that I was turning away from the expectations of my society, the expectations of my friends, the expectations of my collaborators, and the expectation above all, of my mother, a terrifying and tiny woman, who I truly hope you get to meet, Kim, because she's a hoot. And I thought, all right, but what if it's more selfish of them to demand me to be like them than it is of me to actually do something that is against them? And that's when I started to understand that I'm actually being selfless by taking better care of me and I'm more honest, which, frankly, I'd prefer to be.

Kim:

Well, in two, for me, I mean, I'm. You know, you have walked through a couple of really hairy situations from a business standpoint recently, and it's been such a blessing because you have taught me and shown me something I already knew, that there's not necessarily an enemy. We live in this world, black and white, good and bad, right and left, you know, and the way you approach when you're talking to me is it's not that it's bad, it's just not for you.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah.

Kim:

And my eyes have been opened up to really be sensitive and intuitive when it comes to what I really want and really what is for me.

Keren Eldad:

That's right.

Kim:

There's such a freedom in that.

Keren Eldad:

What you're talking about is discernment.

Kim:

Yes.

Keren Eldad:

Discernment is the ability to tell the difference between for me and not for me, not good and bad. There is no such thing. I'm sorry to tell you, in the universe, there is literally, I hear you aligned with the light, not aligned with the light. And aligned with the light literally feels like fun, like freedom, like purpose, like ease. And everything else is just a waste of your energy. Your job is to become so discerning that you can tell the two apart and make choices that are closer to the light. Ultimately, the goal of coaching is to bring you closer and closer to the light and less and less reactive.

Kim:

Can I tell you something you've done for me recently? And I'll get emotional about it because I just have such respect for you. I love you as a person, but I think even more so, I have such respect for you in walking in your power and your truth. But just recently, you know, I'm. I'm changing some things in my business world and I'm leaving a very lucrative business where I'm making a butt ton of money which is such a blessing and it's great, right? But personally it's just wearing on my mental. And then I'm on the other flip side. I'm losing money in something that I'm absolutely loving to do. I'm helping and investing in a spa. A young single mom who wants to have her own spa and we're setting it up and I'm doing for.

Kim:

And I'm actually going to lose money. But girl, I cannot tell you the freedom and the absolute value I feel like I'm adding to the world by doing what on paper is a loss as opposed to doing what on paper is such a gain for me. How? How? And I'm doing it's in blind faith. You know what I'm saying? I'm doing it in blind faith. Just walking in, just knowing that this is where a path I need to be going down with this young woman. How do we get to that place? I mean, I know I did. I know how I got there walking it with you. But how do just anybody listening right now, how can we get to the point where we discern these decisions, we make them and we do it with confidence.

Keren Eldad:

Let's give everybody a little bit of coaching, of two practical steps to Take to get to Kim's level of faith, which is certainty beyond reason. Number one, tell the difference between good feeling and bad feeling. Now, I hate to tell you this, but everybody knows the difference. I know when I'm thirsty, and I know when I'm not thirsty. I know when I need to go to the bathroom, and I know when I don't need to go to the bathroom. I also know, Kim, when I don't feel good and when I do feel good. Right. Even Zac knows the difference.

Zac Miller:

Even Zac.

Kim:

And he's a dude. And he's a dude. And he's a dude. Yeah.

Keren Eldad:

Yes. And it's much harder for men to understand that they're uncomfortable.

Kim:

Yes.

Keren Eldad:

When you start to understand there's something.

Zac Miller:

Honestly, I'm uncomfortable right now, for the record. Just so.

Keren Eldad:

But there are so many people who come to me, and they're like, I've been doing this for a really long time, and I just don't understand why I'm not waking up eager for the day. And they literally feel like there's something wrong with them. No, there's something wrong with it. You don't feel good. That means you should not be here. The second is, I feel good. It feels easy. It feels effortless.

Keren Eldad:

It feels fun. It lights me up. It leaves me energized. Not drained, but very simple things to watch out for. So just literally start to understand that these are the signs that you are either in the path of the light, in the path of your zone of genius, in the path of your purpose, or away from the path of your purpose. There is nothing wrong with being away from the path. Like any GPS will show you. Being outside, you can reroute.

Keren Eldad:

Right. It always tells you. Rerouting, not a problem. Don't be freaked out by it, but just understand that you should understand that you're going in the opposite direction of where you want to go. The second practical thing is to understand that actually, that faith technically means, Kim. That with due respect, this is not a financial loss. There is no way, in fact, that this is a financial loss.

Kim:

Let's go.

Keren Eldad:

Most important things I've done in my life have been blind leaps of faith on stuff like you described that I just thought was a really, really fun thing that I genuinely, genuinely wanted to do. I just wrote the second book, Guilt Free comes out next year, and I've been filming my podcast for six months at Great Personal exp. That was a very Jewish thing to say. Zac's gonna laugh for a very long time for no reason other than Maybe Kim will listen to my episodes. But you know why? Because I loved it and because I've had so much fun with it and because I've enjoyed every second. Number one, I got to meet my heroes. Byron, Katie, Naya, Swami, Asha, Gay, Hendricks, the biggest teachers I've ever come across in my life. And number two, it turns out pretty freaking lucrative.

Keren Eldad:

It's actually producing, I believe, the unit of measure that you used was but ton of money. So technically speaking, that faith means if I can start to feel not only the discernment that I'm walking on purpose, but I can really start to feel ease and effortlessness and fun, I can also guarantee by law of attraction that this is going to bring the ship in. And that's how this works.

Kim:

So let's talk about that. Because law of attraction, you're saying bringing this ship in, explain that to people. Because again, like I said on paper, I'm. I'm losing, but in my personal life and my feelings, I'm winning. And that leads to what?

Keren Eldad:

All right, so number one, the first concept that we covered here today was mindfulness. Is that true? Are you sure that's true? Let's look at the truth. The second thing was we covered discernment, and we covered discernment in order to align ourselves with better feeling. Things that move us into great faith. Great faith will then move us into manifestation. And now let's talk about the law of attraction third coaching concept. P.S. you're welcome.

Keren Eldad:

Kim is giving you, like, 20 grand worth of coaching right now. Let's talk a little bit now about the law of Attraction. Just very basically, I draw from many different disciplines. As you know, Kim, I love Kabbalah. I love Buddhism. I enjoy NLP very much. I really like positive psychology. But I also really love the law of attraction.

Keren Eldad:

And they're all teaching you the same thing. But essentially, here's how it works. Anybody who really wants to change their results in life has to start to understand that there are some energetic laws to the universe. And you, if you don't have what you want, are not playing right. You are playing the game incorrectly. You are playing the game most likely in a very pursuit, forceful. I gotta get it. I can and I will type way.

Keren Eldad:

Unfortunately, the universe hears I can and I will and understands you're super desperate. We're not going to give you anything. And if instead you actually go, this is really fun. I really like this. I want to do this because it sounds like fun and like a great service to the universe. I don't care how long it takes. Suddenly the universe hears, oh, this person wants to serve. This person is in deep gratitude.

Keren Eldad:

And it starts to line up with the emotions that are higher vibration or. Or higher emotionally and give you what you want. Let me give you a great example. Let's say that I want to get married. I don't. I'm very happy. Obviously already won the lottery. But let's say I wanted to get married to Hot Rabbi number one.

Keren Eldad:

I decided it absolutely has to be Hot Rabbi from Nobody Wants this seasons one and two, whatever his name is. And that the problem is therefore that I don't have time because I'm already almost 50 and he's already married to that other girl from girl. And there's only one Hot Rabbi. And I have no chance in hell because I don't live wherever they live. And it's very unlikely to happen. So my only chance is to kill the girl from Gossip Girl, to move to LA to make myself younger, at least have one or two facelifts and to do whatever I can to lure him into my trap. This will most likely repel Hot Rabbi. And even if it does land me Hot Rabbi for one or two days, after a while he's going to understand that I'm psychotic.

Keren Eldad:

That repels your results. And that's what causes us overachievers to become so exhausted. In a nutshell, Kim, we work way too hard. Does that resonate?

Kim:

It does.

Keren Eldad:

We work way too hard. We bend, we contort. We try to force things to happen by stark contrast. I really love this. This is so much fun. I really enjoy helping people out. I like going on dates. Dates come with free appetizers.

Keren Eldad:

A lot of the gentlemen I'm meeting are super nice. There's a couple of people who look like Hot Rabbi and might be better suited for me. There's plenty of time. Lots of people I know got married after 50 and so on and so forth. Now I'm moving into the easy zone, the faith zone. And the Faith zone must deliver. That's how the law works.

Kim:

The Faith Zone is. It's so simple. I was just teaching my son this the other day. He's a college tennis player and he has been stuck. You know what I'm saying? He has been. He's been, like, losing his serve, losing. I mean, since he's gone to college, he's gotten. His game has seemingly gotten weaker than stronger.

Kim:

And so Travis was playing with him the other day, and he had a big tournament this past weekend, and he made the lineup. I mean, he Was only a freshman. He's six singles. You know, in college tennis, it's a big deal. The pressure is on. And I remember talking to him, I said, you got to see the win. I said, and you're going to lose one point. And as Keren would say, let that point go.

Kim:

Okay, you lost it. What's next?

Keren Eldad:

That's right.

Kim:

What's the next point going to be?

Keren Eldad:

The first thing is I would lose the pressure and I would remember why I love tennis. Tennis is a mindset game. Completely, by the way of all.

Kim:

It's totally mindset.

Keren Eldad:

Tennis is an entirely mindset game. Wonderful, wonderful book on this, by the way, that I'll recommend to you. I'll email you afterwards so you can text Beau to get it immediately.

Kim:

Okay.

Keren Eldad:

It's about tennis and it's about the mindset and all positive psychology. People read it. It's phenomenal. But the most important thing I can say is remember your love of the game. Be more interested in the love of the game. Be more interested in getting better, getting better and getting better. Then you care about temporary wins. Ultimately, our goal is to learn how to play the long game.

Keren Eldad:

And overachievers are always playing the short game. Playing the short game. Win this time. That's stupid. I don't care if I win this time. I care if in 10 years down the line, my results are far and above beyond the average.

Kim:

But Keren, why do overachievers play the wrong game? Why do we play the short game? Do you know what I'm saying? Even though. Even though we see butt. Tons of results, right? We see the results.

Keren Eldad:

You know, it's because. So all overachievers are addicts.

Kim:

Yes. Oh, my God. And we're done with the show. Thank you very much, Keren. God bless.

Keren Eldad:

So I treat.

Kim:

Oh, my God.

Keren Eldad:

I've had a fair share of alcoholics in the program. Very, very high functioning alcoholics. And they are exactly the same. You're a dopamine chaser. You're chasing the exact. And it's because essentially they're trying to not deal with their soul. The higher. The more they're.

Keren Eldad:

The more they're trying to ring that bell. Ring that bell, Ring that bell. The more they're afraid to deal with what they need to deal with. And I mean, I've seen some freaky stuff that people don't want to deal with in coaching, some really serious stuff. But in most cases it's just the shame that would come with relaxing. The shame. With allowing. Yeah, with allowing yourself to just be normal.

Keren Eldad:

And to just be mediocre and to just chill for a little while. That's the thing they cannot deal with.

Kim:

Can I tell you my addiction or my fear, My biggest fear, which I believe fear is an addiction in a way, anyway. That might be a whole nother show, but I'm always fear. I don't care how successful I have been. And listen, I have been blessed beyond measure, beyond what anybody would have ever thought that would be for happen for me and to me. But I always have this fear, Keren. And I guess we'll talk about this next Wednesday or Friday. I've always had this fear of it going away.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah. But that's actually for a reason. Okay, tell me why, Miss America.

Kim:

I want to start crying, and I don't want to cry. I swear I wouldn't cry with you today. I cry every. I cry every time.

Keren Eldad:

I cry all the time. It's okay to show people that we're human beings. But I also want to say you just experienced a trauma, and you experienced a trauma. And as a result of that, you decided that that was never going to happen to you again. So you're going to do whatever you need to do to not experience that again. And so that humiliation was so uncomfortable for you, that shame was so uncomfortable for you, that betrayal was so uncomfortable for you.

Kim:

The loss.

Keren Eldad:

Thought all I can do is cover it up and cover it up, and it's that simple. And again, all of us are doing the same thing. We're numbing, numbing pain. And our addiction is achievement. For the record, in many cases, it's a benevolent narcotic. Right? Yay. Money for the family and so on and so forth. But unfortunately, it takes a toll on you.

Keren Eldad:

And so the job is to find the balance. To find the ability to produce and to live in your zone of genius and to serve, but also the ability to live a peaceful life and to start understanding this isn't a binary choice. Just because I relax doesn't mean it doesn't work out for me.

Kim:

Yeah. In fact, the more I've relaxed just with coaching with you, the bigger the opportunities. I remember you told me one time, you're like Kim, you've got to slow down and give. Take a beat and give it. Give your faith and, you know, my faith in the Lord. Room to bring you other things. You. You get.

Kim:

We get so busy as women that we don't leave room for greatness and.

Keren Eldad:

For your own greatness. It was funny because the first thing I observed was how much you serve others and how happy you are to serve, when technically speaking, all of those opportunities are to serve you. And you were not willing to. Literally, God was sending you a helicopter and a raft and a boat, and you're like, yeah, I'm good, it's fine, I'm good. Just leave them here at the dock. I take care of him at the inn. And I'm like, do you not see that the good Lord has literally sent you a helicopter right now?

Kim:

Well, honey, you are my helicopter. I don't know if you even know that, but what you have done for me has been such a much needed medicine for my heart. And I mean that. And not many people can say that that's what you deliver, but you do deliver medicine for the soul. I know there's a scripture that says, like, laughter does a body good, like a medicine. And I feel like you have been that for me. You have allowed. You have pulled back the curtain and you're like, this is not that big of a deal.

Kim:

Kim. Really isn't. This is what you're going to do. And so we're going to do. You've almost done it in jest and it's worked for me. And I know if everybody will get your book and listen to your podcast, it will work for them, too, because y' all and Carrie, I want you to back me up in this. No one tells you the fricking truth. They're just trying to get your money and get you to join a class of crap you ain't never going to do.

Kim:

You never going to do the homework. You're never going to. They're just. It's a bait and switch. I'm sorry, Keren. I can say that maybe you can't.

Keren Eldad:

Because it's your do. I take it out on my industrial. I really receive that to my heart, and I want to tell you that. And I'll speak to you back in. In a proverb. There's another wonderful scripture that's very well known as Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. What I'm doing for you, you are doing for me. And you have to understand that that's the ultimate symbiosis.

Keren Eldad:

The big problem in the coaching industry and in many other industries is that they've become giant enabling industries and swindling industries. I'm going money and I'm going to deliver to you some regurgitated nonsense that you will like hearing. And that worked for one person that I've met. And maybe that'll move you when in fact, the job is to tell the truth. The job is not only to hold mastery, to hold the knowledge, but to impart then the truth that is relevant for the person before you. And in that sense, it's a joy to be with a form of iron that can take sharpening, because most people can't do that. So this is also why I have to tell you also, Gilded, the book and my podcast are gentler, gentler, gentler versions. When you're ready for the hardcore, that's when you will.

Kim:

But, but I think the world is not only ready for it, I think they're hungry for it. Because I think what's happening is, is that with AI and with social media and we're not so social anymore and with all of this information, my daddy used to always do that. He goes, babe, everybody can have information. Most people can't handle the truth of it.

Keren Eldad:

Oh my God, he sounds like Jack Nicholson and A Few Good Men. But he's completely true, right? You can handle the truth in personal growth. What this means is, and this is another piece of just a little bit of wisdom. If, if you out there, listener, are looking for a wonderful teacher, you're really looking for three things. You're looking for accountability. Accountability means that you only work with someone who is ready to call you to a higher standard. The second for a real sharpening with. So you're looking for honesty.

Keren Eldad:

And honesty means that what you're looking for in the person is not only sincerity, but that they are who they say they are. This is really fundamentally important in the era of Instagram where a lot of people look really good but are like. Like, for example, there's this one relationship guru, he's like 32 years old and he's never been married. This annoys the bejesus out of me, Kim.

Kim:

You know how I feel about it. You know I'm the same way.

Keren Eldad:

You know nothing. And the third is it has to be mutual. Growth is never one sided. Growth is. Don't look for a guru, don't look for a master, look for a partner. Look for someone who will stand shoulder to shoulder with you and do the fight with you.

Kim:

How did you learn to be so truthful, Keren? Was it a learned behavior or is it just because you're this amazing empowered Israeli that you just.

Keren Eldad:

No, not at all. I didn't unfortunately inherit that. I was raised from your mother. Good. And to get along and to avoid conflict and therefore to say things like, I love your dress when I hate the dress, it's fugly. And to say things like, let's do this again sometime at the end of a dinner with interminably boring people. I learned to do this when I started to understand the cost of lying and the cost of even lying a little bit. I don't judge it in other people, Kim.

Keren Eldad:

As you know, I believe that we are socialized animals and that hurt people can also. We can understand why they are doing this. We must understand them and they're not for us. We get out of their path, but we do not condemn. The Lord doesn't condemn and I don't condemn. But as for me, the price of lying is way too big. The price for me of having to sit through another dinner with somebody I do not like and whose opinions I do not agree with is far too great. The cost for me of working with someone who I find dishonest or unethical is far too great.

Keren Eldad:

And so I've decided that the cost of if it cost me my piece, as the meme goes, it's too high a price to pay. And I'd rather tell the truth, even if that means I have to confess that I'm almost 50.

Kim:

Well, I am 54. And I gotta tell you, working with you has really changed my life, Amy. You know, my very best friend and business partner worked with you and it's just been an eye opening thing. I think everybody needs an iron sharpens iron. Everybody needs a Keren. But if you can't go in, hire a Keren. Okay, You've got to at least download the podcast, get the book, because I'm telling you, girl, we need more of what you have to offer. And I'm not kidding you on that.

Kim:

I am not kidding it. Okay, what does, what does a coaching win look like for you? So if people out there were saying, I don't know if I could get Keren, but what would a coaching win look like for someone does that? You know what I mean?

Keren Eldad:

So the ultimate coaching win is when you meet, you see people go through life and meet a similar circumstance to before that they had, that had once triggered them and this time it doesn't trigger them anymore. For example, if you've gone through a business partnership that betrayed you and then a cheating husband, but then the third time someone betrays you, instead of being upset and sad and litigious, you're like, huh, well, that's interesting. Lesson learned. This time we're going to put in some very different mechanisms and systems in our way. This is a complete transformation as far as I'm concerned. Now many of my clients really enjoy the money and the lover and the good health. I'm super happy about those things, too. Don't get me wrong, my mom herself, to get out of stage four melanoma.

Keren Eldad:

Biggest miracle I've ever witnessed. Miracle. That's not it. To me, the biggest win is to see you no longer work against yourself. And you can begin to do this already. You can begin to win against your own reactivity and against your own devil. By reading books like Gilded, by studying masters like Byron, Katie, who was on my podcast, by truly leaning into the work and studying how we change the way we think so that you can change how you think.

Kim:

Do you think that's the most important thing on this human journey that we are on is to have this revelation, this wakening up of who we really are and why we're really here, how we go about that.

Keren Eldad:

You want to remove all the noise, because what you're trying to really do is remember that you are love. There's nothing else here. There's nothing else going on here. And the closer you are to just love, the better and freer and happier and more useful you are to the world.

Zac Miller:

Can I break in with a question? Because I don't get coaching with Keren right now. Although every time I see Keren, I'm like, oh, I should really do it. Um, if you're trying to be. Okay, my question is this, Keren. If you're trying to be supportive of, like, your spouse, right? So my wife's job is like a three year contract right now, so it ends sometime next year, and she could stay where she's working. But I personally kind of feel like maybe she should look for something else. She's on the fence. But I feel so close to it.

Zac Miller:

If I was just brutally honest and I had that sort of like, you know, this is what you need to hear attitude, I don't think it would work. I don't think it would feel very supportive. So how do you sort of do that? Yeah.

Keren Eldad:

Oh, Zac, I don't know if you're gonna like this or not, but here's the deal.

Kim:

Say it, Keren.

Keren Eldad:

It's none of your business.

Kim:

Ooh, I love Keren.

Keren Eldad:

The only thing that you can do here, you only have one option here.

Kim:

It's. It's.

Keren Eldad:

There's only one.

Zac Miller:

Okay?

Keren Eldad:

And it's to strengthen your own mindset, strengthen your own faith to the point where you don't feel sorry for her, you don't feel worried about her, you don't feel any concern whatsoever. You cannot help. You will become much more useful when you're no longer worried you'll come up with solutions and ideas and exciting things, and you'll partner with her with no pressure. You'll let her either join you or not join you. But as long as you are emotionally entangled, I hope the parents out there are really listening to this, because this is more important I'm listening than it is for your spouse. As long as you have an agenda, you're actually not driving from love, I'm sorry to say. You are driving from fear. You are driving from fear.

Keren Eldad:

You cannot drive from fear and expect good results. Now, let's pull it back a little. Let's say that Zac was super full of Zac. Super, like, filling his Zacness and very happy with himself, very happy with his life, Very, very positive about the direction of his life, very positive about the ability to sustain the family matter. What happens, whether she chills, whether she doesn't chill, whether she figures this out today, whether she figures this out in five years, you're super chill. You're just chill. From there, you can start to remember that this is not only a woman of extreme beauty, but also a person of extreme talent. A real superstar, a person who's likely been handed this crisis, therefore, because she is being exalted to an even higher ground.

Keren Eldad:

And then start to relate to them, then you start talking to them from that vantage point. You're just in a different zone. I hope that's helpful.

Kim:

Keren, can I ask for a question for Zac? Because I want to say this is when you are having this crisis of. Or conflict or obstacle or problem or pebble in your shoe moment, which is clearly what Zac is saying his wife is dealing with. What should I do? Is that a sign that it's time to level up? Is that what I just heard you say?

Keren Eldad:

For you to level up, not them to level up. Because the only reason you're noticing it is because you are somehow incongruent within yourself. But you're. If you're in alignment, you're like, all right, they're having a little bit of a meltdown. But I've had little meltdowns, and I've already figured this out. And here's the. Here's what ends up happening. What ends up happening is a rising tide lifts all boats.

Keren Eldad:

If you're super solid, you're really solid. You don't give them an inkling. You can give empathy, compassion, and love, but never pity or worry. These are very low energy vibrations. You give them compassion, you give them love. You give them a moment to have meltdowns and everything, and then you just make yourself useful, and if they want the help, that's great. And if they don't want the help, they're going to be okay because you're not going anywhere. And that's the job.

Keren Eldad:

The job is I'm not going anywhere. You're covered. I hope you figured this out. That's the best thing you can do for anyone in any position. And by the way, that's also the coaching stance. We don't go down with you because when we do join you in the problem, we are no longer able to help you.

Kim:

Oh, you did that for me, Keren. Zac. Right?

Zac Miller:

Yeah. Right, right. No, that's great. That's huge.

Kim:

She did it for me.

Keren Eldad:

She did it for me. My husband is also going through his midlife crisis at the moment, and on Monday he lost his dog. And you really. Your heart breaks and all you want to do is say, how can I take care of everything for you? What can I do to make you happy? The Jewish mother in me just wakes up. But I start to understand the more I do that, the more I'm going to interfere with his karma. And that's wrong. Your job is to try to stay neutral. It's really hard to do.

Keren Eldad:

And to catch yourself when you slip out of neutral so that you can maybe just hold the position of stability and calm next to them.

Zac Miller:

Yeah, neutral is hard. It's so hard to be neutral when you're in it. It's hard to be dispassionate. It's hard to not, you know, have. But yeah, I. You're totally right.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, but that's my. That's why I say to myself, Zac, all the time, it's none of your freaking business. I tell myself all the time, because believe me, I really want to dive into every one of my clients lives and just reorganize it like it's a closet. And I always say that is none of your business. Your job is to hold steady, to hold an example, and to hope that they find it compelling enough to rise.

Kim:

Well, you are a lighthouse. And you have been a lighthouse for me, Keren. Honestly, you have really shown the light. And now I'm turning my flashlight on, back on. And now I'm shining again. And I thank God for that. And I thank God for you. And that is the truth.

Kim:

That is the honest truth. And guys, you've got to go. You know, I do not say this all the time. I'm not. I love people, but I don't like everybody. I like and love Keren both at the same time. And you will, too. You have to go get gilded.

Kim:

You have to go download the podcast. You've got to reach out. And I mean, I know a lot of you like Kim. I don't have time for coaching. I can't afford it, blah, blah, I get it. But you can really absorb and listen on the podcast and get the book. Okay, Keren, before you go, we gotta do a rapid fire with you really quick. I love you so much, but I just have to know some random facts about you.

Kim:

Cause it makes me laugh and makes me happy. Rapid fire questions, rapid fire. What comes up, comes out. Here we go. First question. What's one thing you have tried for the first time this year? Because you know, we're coming up to 2026. What have you tried for the first time this year?

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, I went on an outdoorsy vacation with Ryan. As you know, I hate being outside for any reason. And I also went tubing. And by the way, it was terrible.

Kim:

Outdoorsy vacation.

Zac Miller:

Wait, tubing? Tubing, like the boat's pulling you or like down a river?

Kim:

Yes, a boat is pulling her down.

Keren Eldad:

A river with, like a really strong current.

Kim:

Did you flip?

Keren Eldad:

It was. Yeah, it was a no thank you situation.

Zac Miller:

My cousin, who listens to the pod and will hear this, broke her nose doing that like. Like 20 years ago.

Kim:

It's actually dangerous.

Keren Eldad:

The only thing that could have made this worse, but Ryan did promise me some really good food after, so he made it. Okay.

Kim:

Ryan is adorable. Ryan is adorable. He reminds me of a Travis. He's just. Travis is just like, really? Cam. Okay. He's always like, okay, settle down. Anyway, you just got a new vanity plate for your car.

Kim:

What does it say?

Keren Eldad:

Waffles.

Kim:

Okay. Right.

Keren Eldad:

Waffles is the kitty cat. Yeah. And I've already.

Kim:

Now, do you. Do you like actual waffles to eat as well?

Keren Eldad:

I love waffles. And I love waffles the cat.

Kim:

I'm telling you, you're a cat lady. You're a straight up cat lady. Okay, Straight up. No, no, no hesitation, no nothing. If you could be anybody's twin, who would it. Who would you choose to be?

Keren Eldad:

Esther Hicks.

Kim:

Whose twin? Okay. All right.

Keren Eldad:

She ain't normal.

Zac Miller:

I don't know who that is.

Kim:

Oh, you need to. Okay. You need to go.

Keren Eldad:

Listen, we're into a real treat. She's a true master.

Kim:

Yeah.

Zac Miller:

Okay.

Kim:

And she's a truth teller, too. Okay, what TV or movie character represents your life?

Keren Eldad:

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

Kim:

Maisel.

Keren Eldad:

Or Frasier Green?

Kim:

What a. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Zac Miller:

But her Life wasn't going that great. Yeah, her life was pretty much a wreck, so.

Keren Eldad:

Yes, exactly.

Kim:

Yeah, but she was a baller shot caller. Yeah, she's a baller shot caller, though. She just went for it. Talk about. Talk about enlightened. Okay, what's your go to productivity? Music. Like, what's your favorite music? Jam your artist, you know, what's your craft?

Keren Eldad:

Of course. Taylor Swift and Life of a Showgirl. I would like to say, for the record, is the greatest album in the last 10 years.

Kim:

Wow. Really, Keren? That's not her best album to make.

Zac Miller:

That's a controversial take.

Keren Eldad:

I don't care. That's because you don't get it, Zac. You don't understand her genius.

Zac Miller:

Look, I actually quite like Taylor Swift and I'm like. I thought, but for me, Evermore is phenomenal and so is folklore.

Keren Eldad:

Okay.

Kim:

Yeah, my claw is a little wa wa.

Zac Miller:

But that's what I like, though.

Keren Eldad:

I like sad music on songs that are sad. This is happy. Songs that are short. That's much more.

Kim:

She's in love.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, she's happy. This is happy and love. Very good music for working out.

Kim:

And I'm not trying to brag at all, but I'm going to take the moment to say her future mother in law, mama Kelsey, wears Belle by Kim Gravel. Just saying. She does.

Keren Eldad:

You are one degree of separation from Tay Tay.

Kim:

I'm what I really am like in her. Her future and mother law. She is a force. I love her, but she wears my clothes and she wears them like actually to the super bowl and to the games and stuff. I'm just saying, not trying to fry.

Keren Eldad:

Okay, you see my point again? God. Sending helicopter.

Kim:

Okay, I could get an invite to the wedding if I pushed it. Keren, let's manifest that. Okay?

Zac Miller:

If you had, you should make the mom's wedding dress like the dress she wears to the wedding.

Kim:

You know, no pressure. No pressure, Zac.

Zac Miller:

Yeah, no pressure.

Kim:

My friend Dennis Basso might be making it anyway. Here we go. If you had to start a totally new career tomorrow, what would it be?

Keren Eldad:

Interior decoration or politics?

Kim:

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Keren. Don't do politics, honey.

Keren Eldad:

Go ahead and interior decoration, same thing. But I feel like I could be a good politician. He thinks I'm very naive about that.

Kim:

I think you would. I would be afraid of you in politics, but I would be your running mate. So call me. What's the most common thing that leads to unhappiness at work?

Keren Eldad:

Betraying yourself.

Kim:

Betraying yourself.

Keren Eldad:

Speaking up, not telling the truth. Not going for what you really believe in conforming. Saying yes when you mean no. Lying, all forms of lying are the biggest mistake you can make in life. And it works.

Kim:

Okay? And there is our conviction for the day. What is your favorite junk food? Beauth salty and sweet.

Keren Eldad:

It's the same I said last time. Pt. Terry's Pterry. I love the burger. I love their veggie burger. I really like the fries. And sweet is of course. And this is terrible.

Keren Eldad:

This is like really terrible what I'm about to say. Chocolate covered gummy bears.

Kim:

That's not what you said last time. And I'm. I'm so thrilled with that.

Keren Eldad:

I know, but Trader Joe's since then came up with a very special chocolate covered gummy bear. And I cannot resist.

Zac Miller:

They have that now. I love those.

Kim:

I've never tried them. I've never tried them.

Zac Miller:

Do you get the. You get the little crunch of the chocolate on the outside and then it's gummy on the inside. It's not for everyone.

Keren Eldad:

All my clients from LA that I eat that garbage. But it's, it's. It's a real.

Kim:

You know what, people from la, I gotta tell you, but they got me hooked on a kale salad from Costco. My girls from la, y'. All, that thing is insane. Uh huh.

Keren Eldad:

Okay.

Kim:

Me eating kale, it's like me being a Victoria's Secret supermodel. I'm just saying, it was so good. It is a. A kale salad. It's got couscous, slivered almonds. It is delish.

Keren Eldad:

Oh, wow.

Zac Miller:

It's not.

Keren Eldad:

Okay, but not as good as chocolate.

Kim:

I'll tell you later. No, no, no. Not. No comparison, but if you had to go LA route, that's it. Okay, so let me ask you this. What Is your favorite 80s hair band?

Keren Eldad:

Probably Journey.

Kim:

Yeah. Don't stop believing, baby.

Keren Eldad:

He was that little guy. He was amazing.

Kim:

The new guy. I know. Well, let me just like, I think the. The Steve period from Journey. Yeah, but I mean, I think he puts like. He think he puts like limit fall on his windows and stuff. I think he's gone off the deep end. But with a town like that, you can.

Keren Eldad:

What can you do? Exactly. Because he's such a dream. When We Are the World is the best part of that song.

Kim:

Yeah. His voice is like, talk about a gift from God. I mean, just like. Please.

Keren Eldad:

Like yours. Yeah.

Kim:

Well, I'm like, okay, I'll just take it. Yeah, you're right. Here we go. Who is your celebrity crush? Other than hot rabbi Adam Brody, by.

Zac Miller:

The way, his Name is Adam Brody.

Keren Eldad:

His name is Adam Brody. That's right.

Kim:

Is he Jewish in real life?

Keren Eldad:

I don't know. Kind of looks like us, maybe.

Zac Miller:

I think. I think so.

Kim:

I think we've all got a little Jewish in us. We're all Jewish. And I love it. I'm here for it.

Keren Eldad:

I'm here for it, too. Ryan just, you know, has zero Jewish in him. Zero.

Kim:

Where is it? Where's Ryan from?

Keren Eldad:

North Dakota.

Kim:

I'm not laughing at North Dakota. I'm just saying, like, you cannot be.

Keren Eldad:

Any more, like, 14. And he was really, really worried about meeting us because everyone had told him that we were going to hell.

Kim:

Bless it.

Zac Miller:

He is Jewish, by the way. Nice. A nice Jewish boy. Adam Brody.

Kim:

He has to be Jewish. He plays it so well. He plays it right. All right, well, we love Ryan. Okay, if you have heard anything that you, like, connect with or if anything has stepped on your toes a little bit, you have got to go and reach out to Keren. You know, maybe she could be your coach, too. But if she can't, you've gotta go check her website out@Kerenldad.com. you can follow Keren on all of the social media platforms at Coach Keren.

Kim:

And make sure you read her book, y' all Gilded. It's such an easy read, but it's like a highlight read. You know, you're highlighting it and dog earring it just to remember to go back and read it again and just over and over again, breaking free from the cage of ambition, perfectionism, and the relentless pursuit of more.

Kim:

You can find it everywhere. Beauoks are sold. Keren, I absolutely love you so much.

Keren Eldad:

Thank you. Just thank you all for having me again. It's been a real honor. I can't wait to see you again in two days.

Kim:

In two days. Okay. Bye, Keren.

Zac Miller:

I love two days. Kim, do your homework. Wait, does Kim have homework? That's due right now?

Kim:

Let's talk. I've been turning my homework early.

Keren Eldad:

Yeah.

Zac Miller:

Oh, good job.

Keren Eldad:

Well, y', all, thank you so much. It's been a real privilege, and I hope the listeners enjoyed this as much as I have.

Kim:

They're gonna love it. And y', all, did you notice how she said y' all at the end? Keren, we're Southernizing you, baby.

Keren Eldad:

I love it here.

Kim:

Zac Miller is the executive producer of the Kim Gravel Show. His production company is Uncommon Audio. Our producer is Catherine Grant, the brunette exec. Production help from Emily Breeden and Sarah Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Mamarion Creative. Our show is edited by Mike Kligerman. Our guest intros are performed by Roxy Reese. Our guest booking is done by Central Talent Beauoking.

Kim:

Our ads are furnished by True Native Media. And y', all, I want to give a big, huge thank you to the entire team at qvc and a special thank you to our audience for making this community so strong. If you are still listening, then you must have liked a few episodes along the way. So tell somebody about it. Tell somebody about this show and join our mailing list@the Kimberbellshow.com I cannot do this show without you, and so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. I hope you've gained a little bit of encouragement, light and love from watching and listening to the Kimber Bell Show. I love y' all so much. Till next time.

Zac Miller is the Executive Producer of the Kim Gravel Show. His production company is Uncommon Audio. Our Producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative. Our show is edited by Mike Kligerman. Our guest intros are performed by Roxy Reese. Our guest booking is done by Central Talent Booking. Our ads are furnished by True Native Media. And y'all, I want to give a big huge thank you to the entire team at QVC+ and a special thank you to our audience for making this community so strong. If you are still listening then you must have liked a few episodes along the way. So tell somebody about it. Tell somebody about this show and join our mailing list at kimgravelshow.com. I cannot do this show without you and so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. I hope you gain a little bit of encouragement, light and love love from watching and listening to The Kim Gravel Show. I love you all so much. Till next time. Bye.