April 20, 2023

How A Near-Death Experience Lead Me To Collecting Confidence

This is one of the most personal episodes I’ve ever shared

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This week Zac flips the script and gets me to spill the tea on my new book, Collecting Confidence in an intimate way that you can’t hear anywhere else. I share some of my most meaningful memories, and how those moments have shaped the person I am today. If you want to know how a childhood “air band” made me understand my calling years later, how Travis pursued me all the way to a romantic encounter at Graceland, and how a near-death experience during childbirth awakened my passion and purpose, then you’ve come to the right place. Make sure you stay for the end because I’m also giving you a preview of the Collecting Confidence audiobook called, “Why I Wrote This Book”.


In This Episode:

Why the heck did I write a book?

How remembering your childhood self can help you discover your calling later in life

How I realized that Travis was the man for me 

How a near-death experience awakened my purpose

A free preview of the audiobook, Collecting Confidence


This is one of my favorite moments from this week’s episode:

"Full confidence. Absolutely full confidence. It is a feeling. It is a knowing. It is a confidence that's like none other. And I think it took me a whole lifetime, or at least up until this point, to figure that out, because I believe that we're all born with confidence and life chips away at it and we lose it as we travel along that our path." – Kim



The Kim Gravel Show is a weekly podcast for women where you stop doubting and start believing in yourself. On each episode Kim tackles the topics that women care about in a way that will make you laugh, make you think, and help you see your life in a new, more positive way.

Do you want real confidence that doesn’t waiver in the face of circumstances?

Do you want to stop making excuses and value yourself more than ever?

Then you’ve come to the right place. 


New episodes of The Kim Gravel Show drop every Thursday.


Get tickets to my LIVE book launch event on April 25th here


Pre-Order my new book: Collecting Confidence

My audiobook is available to pre-order on Audible, Google Play, Apple Books, and everywhere books are sold.



Check out my channel on QVC+ for full video episodes


Connect with Kim:







Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices


*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on The Kim Gravel Show, no one will ever tell me I did not see that light. Cuz I saw a light. And I felt the light. And when that all went away and I came to, and then the motion started happening, and then Blanton was born, what? 10, 15 minutes later I knew. I got to get busy with what I'm supposed to be doing on this earth cuz life is very, very precious and short.

And. That changed my whole life.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all. I am so excited. I want you to stay tuned to the end of this episode to get a sneak listen of my brand-new confidence book, Collecting Confidence That drops next week. Pre-order your coffee today. You won't be disappointed.

Hey everybody, this is The Kim Gravel Show and this season we are all talking about how we're going to level up our lives and step into our purpose in calling. And we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it together, y'all. So today is another episode about. You know how Zac, we can level up our lives?

Zac Miller: Oh, no, Kim, I'm breaking in.

I'm sorry. We are flipping the script on today's episode, Kim. Oh my gosh. No, I'm not letting you. We had, we had a totally different episode planned. I'm, I'm throwing it all out. Okay. Lord, we can't, oh Lord, we can't do it because here's the thing, Kim, your confidence book comes out next week.

Kim Gravel: I know.

Zac Miller: Can you believe that?

I know. I'm so excited. I know you're so excited. I know that you've been going around and talking about it, and I got to have like a little taste of that, right? A few weeks ago because I got to hang out while you were actually doing an interview about the book on confidence building, and it got me thinking that I wanted to interview you.

About the confidence building book. Okay. All right. I've read it. I have, I have questions. I have questions. Okay. This is not gonna be a softball interview, Kim.

Kim Gravel: I was gonna say. Oh my gosh. So we're not, we're we're, we're talking a deep dive here. This is not a little PR interview going, you know. No, no interview. Okay. No. All right.

Zac Miller: I don't do softball interviews. This is gonna be loins everybody. All right. So hold on. Wait a second. We're starting over. We're starting over. Okay. Ready? We're gonna do,

Kim Gravel: yep.

Zac Miller: Hey y'all. This is The Zac Miller Show, formally known as The Kim Gravel Show. This episode, we are leveling up our lives and our bookshelves and stepping into our purpose, and we're doing it together with Kim. Who is gonna be the guest today? All right, so

Kim Gravel: I just happened to have the book.

Zac Miller: Oh, she just just happens to have the confidence building book.

Kim Gravel: Oh my gosh. Zac, this is fantastic. I can't wait.

Zac Miller: I don't have a copy of the self-confidence book, can I just say I don't have a hard copy of the book yet?

Kim Gravel: You're going to get one, I promise.

Zac Miller: Okay. I had before it comes out next week.

I have to say it. Thank you. I did order one. I bought one. Can I just say like, there was like a moment though when, it was early on, I mean, months and months ago when you sent me a draft of the book and it was a Word doc, and I was like, I feel very special.

Like this is, wow. There's a lot of trust here, right? That was because let me just say for the people who, you know, you're falling along with the show, you know that Kim's been writing this book, but as someone who's been working with Kim, it. Watching you write this book has really been enlightening because there was a moment where I was like, I think I could write a book.

And then I saw this process and the amount of times where you're like, I have this book deadline. I just need to get through this one. And then like, there's another book deadline and another book deadline. And I was just like, this is a lot of work.

Kim Gravel: I know, right? I know. And you know, I'm not naturally just this.

You know, I write like I talk, so there's a lot of editing, grammar, corrections, and spelling checks that had to happen to make this possible.

Zac Miller: But wait, I haven't even, hold on. I haven't even introduced you, so. Just, just, just hang out for a second because I got it. I have, hold on. I need to just say, and I need to pull up my notes here.

Zac Miller: guest on the show, As someone you may have heard of, Kim Gravel is the host of the incredible confidence podcast, just such a great podcast called The Kim Gravel Show. She's the CEO and founder of the widely popular fashion and beauty brands, Belle by Kim Gravel and Belle Beauty. She starred in the hit reality show, Kim of Queens.

She was crowned Miss Georgia in 1991. One of the youngest ever, well at the time, the youngest ever. I think there's been younger since. She's America's best girlfriend. She's my best girlfriend. Please welcome Kim Gravel.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Is that your daughter beatboxing at what age?

Zac Miller: I taught my daughter to beatbox for this intro for you.

Kim Gravel: Okay. That I am like peace out cub scouts. That is classic. Absolutely. When you hear a young kid beatbox, what? What more do you want? Oh my gosh. I love that little peanut.

Zac Miller: It took like seven takes, let's be honest, but okay.

How amazing is that, Kim, welcome to the show.

Kim Gravel: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Zac Miller: We're so excited to have you. Let me hear, let me give you a round of applause. Hold on.

Welcome to the show. We're professionals on this show. All right. Everyone gets, everyone gets an intro, everyone gets an applause. I wanna get right into it though, because Okay. Everyone knows who you are. I'm not gonna pretend like they don't. Obviously this is your podcast. I, the thing that like, Strikes me about this book, and I've read it a couple times now.

I've like, ha, I read an earlier draft. I read a later draft. I don't think I've read the final draft yet. So I'm excited to actually get it. And I know how much of your just wisdom your soul has gone into this thing. And I guess my first question is like, why, why did you decide to do this now?

Right, because I think this is like an important moment for you, and I'd like to know a little bit more about like why this book is coming out now and why it's important for you in this season of your life.

Kim Gravel: I think the reason I won't say, I think I know the reason for me writing the book is now with this message is because I can fully stand two feet on the ground in full confidence in this message.

Like I'm not saying I've arrived cuz by no means have I arrived, but I have accepted, embraced, and been excited about this place in my life. Full confidence. Absolutely. Full confidence. I, and, and I can't. It is a feeling. It is a knowing. It is. A confidence that's like none, none other. And I th I think it took me a whole lifetime, or at least up until this point, to, to figure that out because I believe Zac, we're all born with confidence and life chips away at it.

And we lose it as we, as we travel along that our path. And so for me, I'm challenging people to. To look back over their lives and gather it back up because they, they've had it from, from day one.

Zac Miller: You mentioned in the book as, as you're kind of bringing people along on this journey and telling people like how they can think about finding your own calling, right?

And there's this really like inspirational moment where you talk about what were you good at as a child? Can you, can you tell us a little bit about that? Like, can you bring us into that? Sort of moment and, and how you, you know, work through finding, maybe finding out a little bit more about what you are meant for by thinking about your childhood.

Kim Gravel: So there's a particular, it's one of, it's one of the last chapters. I, cuz I'm, I'm, I'm co I'm challenging you to go back into your. Childhood because you knew your calling then you just didn't know it, you know, you were probably operating in it and you didn't know it, you didn't know how to define it.

 And so for me, when I was in the fifth grade, I went to Arcade Elementary School. I was in fifth grade, and I was, oh lord. Honey Kim was not, she didn't do a lot with what she had. Okay. I was, I wasn't the cutest little thing, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't one of them naturally pretty girls, and, but you couldn't tell me nothing.

Okay. You couldn't tell me nothing. I was in the fifth grade and I, there was a fifth grade talent show. I will never forget this as long as I live and writing the book. This just came to me. Just came to me. My mom said I wore her out. She's like, you. Were the hardest child to raise. She said, you've always had something going on.

You were driving me and your father crazy. And you know, think about it. So I was gonna be in this talent show in fifth grade. What's, how old are you in the fifth grade? I can't even remember how old I was. Fifth grade.

Zac Miller: Like, like a 11 and 12, something like that. 12,

Kim Gravel: I think probably. Somewhere around there. Maybe 11. And, Yeah, maybe. And I, and I said, I'm gonna be in this talent show and I'm gonna do it with an airband. Air a i r. Okay, so this air band

Zac Miller: and your friends in the book being like, what's an air band? I love, I love that so much.

Kim Gravel: How the heck did I know what an airb band was? I didn't know what that was.

So anyway, I was like, but, but I knew we couldn't play instruments, so we were gonna. Fake it. We were gonna pretend like we were playing instruments because I had seen this movie called Zanadu. And all of you listening, you'll know Olivia Newton John makes you rest in peace. There was a soundtrack called Zou soundtrack, and on the flip side of the there was this instrumental track of the song.

Suspended in time, and I will never forget it. It's like, keep me suspended in time with you. I know the song to this day. None of the rules apply. So there was an instrumental track. So I went and had my mom. Now keep in mind, there was no Amazon, there was no prime delivery. There was no go on your phone and Google and figure out where you could pick up.

I had to go borrow a set of drums. A keyboard, a bass, electric guitar, and mics, everything. I had to go borrow everything.

Zac Miller: Wait, no, but I thought I wait. I thought an airbag, like you literally are playing air, not real things.

Kim Gravel: No. We, I wanted, no, we were, pretend we were, we were not playing.

Zac Miller: You were pretending to play real.

Okay. Okay. I was picturing this differently. Okay.

Kim Gravel: Think about this. Now think about how insane this is. So we would, we picked up a full set of drums, a keyboard, a bass player, electrical guitar, all of that. Okay. Oh we didn't plug any of it in, but we, I went and had all, I mean, I have pictures of this and my mom, I just remember my mom was going from Pillar to post collecting all this stuff to take to this school, and she was like, Kim, y'all can't play instruments.

I said, I don't care. I want it to look so real Then. I made everybody's outfit. I made their shirts. We, we decorated their jeans. I had, I had my own outfit. I made everything. I ironed it all on. I sewed it on a no. So stick little strips and you just sew stuff on without having to sew. I did it all by myself.

Okay. The night of the talent show happens. It's packed. We're the last, we're the last performance of the talent show. Oh, gosh. I'll never forget this. We all had mullets. Oh my god. I had mullet haircuts. Sheila. Sheila was my, guitar player. I swear. Sheila, if you were watching this and you remember this, or you please call me babe, please call.

Zac Miller: I'm sorry, Sheila. I'm really sorry.

Kim Gravel: I remember Sheila. Sheila was beautiful. Sheila was such a beau. She was one of the popular girls. And so anyway, so we would all just, so we, we did our song, keep me Suspended in Time With You. People went crazy. We won Uhhuh. It was, it was the highlight. So from that moment on, I thought, oh my gosh, I'm a singer.

I'm gonna be a singer. Because I actually sang, I didn't pretend to sing. I sang the, the, the air band was just playing air, the instrument play. And you sang. So I said, oh my gosh, I'm a singer. No,

I was a builder. I did. All of that, right? I did all of that. None of my friends helped me do that. They just showed up, put on their guitar and pretended to play. When I think back to what that was, that was the first time in my life where my calling showed up and showed out, but I did not recognize it. I thought I was a singer.

The special part of that talent show in the band was called Rare Edition. By the way, the special part of that talent show was not the singing. Lots of people can sing.

Very few 10, 11 year olds can go and pull that off by themselves and do it to win. So that's what I'm talking about. Everybody has that rare edition moment, Zac. Everybody has that moment and it's hard to get it right, like, well, it's hard to figure out what to make of it, especially when you're young like that. Right. Well,

I think everything in purpose and, and when we talk about purpose and calling and whatever, we're always saying, do, what do you do?

What do you do? I'm a singer, I'm a helper. I'm a It's not what you do, it's who you innately are. It just that, just ca I didn't, no one had to teach me how to do that. It just, that just came out of me. You just did it. I just, I just, I just did it. It's not, it's not a career. It's a vocation. It's a calling.

It comes from within.

Zac Miller: That's so cool. I love that story so much. Okay.

Kim Gravel: It's a good story. It's a good story. It's a true story.


Zac Miller: there's so many of these gems from your life. You, you go through all of these really important moments of your life and I want to get into a few more of those moments, and we're gonna do that right after this.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all, Kim Gravel here, and I'm excited about, My book that's releasing very, very soon called Collecting Confidence, and I wrote it because I want everyone to feel confident and be the confident person that you already are and walk in it. I'm hoping that when you read it, you're gonna be encouraged.

You're gonna be inspired, you're gonna laugh a little, and also you're gonna take. My stories of my life, the experiences, the ups, the downs, the ins and outs, the highs, the lows, and it's been that thread in my life that has given me the confidence to be who I was meant to be. And I want it to do the same for you because you already have it inside of you from the day you were born.

To right now, it's time to start where you are, to become everything you were meant to be. And in Collecting Confidence, it will encourage you to do just that. Collecting Confidence comes out April 25th and you can pre-order it now. Wherever books are sold. Let's all do this thing together and walk boldly y'all in your collected confidence.

Zac Miller: Welcome back to The Kim Gravel Show. Formerly known as the Kim Gravel show. Now the Zac Miller show. I have taken control. I flipped the script on Kim because I'm so interested in learning more about her book that comes out next week. Collecting Confidence. If you haven't picked it up, get the copy of that book.

 It will change your life. It really has had such an impact on me. I wanna get into some of the, like, most memorable moments here from your life. And there's been some doozies. The first, the first thing I wanna talk about, now that we're back, uh oh, wait, wait. I totally forgot. Oh my gosh. I totally forgot cuz I had my daughter record.

This, I had my two-year-old record the title of the book for you, Kim. It's my gift to you.

Kim Gravel: I want want that. You've gotta send that to me.

Zac Miller: So make sure that you pick up Collecting Confidence wherever books are sold. Okay, Kim? No, but I wanna get into it. I wanna talk to you about Travis and oh, you go through, in detail Travis's courting of you. Which you made him work for it. There was

Kim Gravel: a, I didn't like, like Travis. Like that. I didn't like Travis.

Zac Miller: Can you tell me a little bit about like how you knew Travis was, Right for you because at first you didn't know that.

Kim Gravel: Well, you know, again, you know, we've talked about in a couple of episodes about, you know, our hustling and we're trying always so hard. I mean, I did it the wrong way. And I talk about a painful divorce I went through. And that was a manufactured hustling situation where I made things happen.

 And the marriage didn't last and. Travis came and pursued me and he knew, and I didn't recognize it because I think I was blinded by shame and regret and disappointment in myself from my past relationships, and so, I didn't feel worthy enough to receive, I think what was true and real and authentic and I think a lot of times, and I certainly didn't have the confidence to recognize it.

And I think that's what happens when we make mistakes in our lives that we carry so much shame. We don't even need people to judge us or, or shame us or hate on us. We do it to ourselves so well that it really stops you sometimes from receiving the blessing or receiving the opportunity. And Travis was just persistent.

And again, Travis is a very confident man. He's not a perfect man and he's certainly by no means, you know.

Even a person, even a man who I would say is strong all the time, but when it came to our relationship, he just knew and he wasn't gonna take no for an answer. Nothing deterred him. And, and I remember just being like, my mom was like this poor boy, my Lord. And I remember. It took me moving away from the city of Atlanta to another state to Tennessee to realize what Travis was and who he was.

And a lot of times you kind of have to step away and look back. And when people say, don't look back, never look back, I don't agree with that. There was like, just be in the present. Don't look back, don't look forward. I don't agree with that. There's so much from your past that you can harvest and so much, so much that you've been through in your life that has led you to this point and could give you this burst of confidence that you need to become everything you are.

 This, lemme say that it, it can give you that burst of confidence that you need to become everything you were meant to be. And that's what happened when I left Travis and let it go and left. I looked back, I thought, was that stupid? He is fantastic. I'll never forget it. It was like instant.

It was like overnight, instant, like, Oh my God.

Zac Miller: And there's such a memorable scene in Graceland. With you and Travis, and I'm not gonna ruin it. You have to read the book to get that scene. It's so good. I just like it.

Kim Gravel: My mom says it's sensual. I'm like, mother, you need to get out more. This is pg, but it's, come on Zac.

It's pg. It's, there's nothing like, I mean, it's not even PG 14.

Zac Miller: It's, it's pg 11.

But it's nice. But you feel it, you know? And, and I think that's the thing

Kim Gravel: I will tell you. I'm gonna tell you this, this is awful. I can't believe I'm saying this, that Graceland experience with Travis, I've never been turned on like that, ever.

Zac Miller: See, and you're saying pg, but I don't know .

Kim Gravel: We've been married 20 plus years, but I'm just saying like in my whole entire, like adult life or my life period.

 Cause I'm not that active, y'all. I'm just like, I didn't grow up, you know, swinging from the chandeliers that was, I've never been that. Can I say Turned on? Turned on. As I was at that Graceland, that was also a chap from the book. People, people challenged. They were like, are you sure you wanna put all your stuff out there?

I'm like, yo, it's not that bad. We didn't roll around and make out and get naked at Graceland. I mean, I'm just saying, but it was, it was a moment. It was intimate. It was very intimate. Okay. We're moving on.

Zac Miller: Okay, moving on, moving on. Cuz that, that scene is great, but there's, I think for me, the most powerful scene in the book.

And I wonder if you would agree, I think maybe you would, we find you in this moment, you're about to give birth to Blanton. Yeah, you are, there's complications, you're in the hospital. The doctor basically tells you it's, it's what You're like eight weeks, premature, right? The doctor tells you, this baby's coming out tonight.

They haven't induced you yet. Nothing has officially started or shouldn't have started, but you know, something's wrong. And that. Whole scene. And then, you know, I don't know how deep to get into it. I don't want to give away spoilers. But there's this moment where you're alone in the bathroom and you're covered in blood.

 And you just kind of let go. And I can't get that outta my head, to be honest with you, Kim.

Kim Gravel: I mean, even talking about it, this stirs up so much. Love because at that moment, I mean, it truly was a near death experience, but it didn't feel that way. There was fear, but the fear left pretty quickly into it.

And what it did for me was, Was a little different than what I hear people when they say, well, no, not really. It is just a different perspective. So you hear all these people who have all these near-death experiences, or I had read it and you know, heard about it and seen movies about near-death experiences.

And people say it just changed their whole life. It changed the way they looked at life and everything. And it did that for me, but it did it in a very different way. It awakened in me. This passion for purpose because I felt such love from God in that moment

that I wanted to be with him. And you have to read the book to get the whole story. We don't have time to tell it. So I thought if he's gonna keep me here, it has to be a big reason. To be apart from him and to be here, I must have some big reason to still be here. And I think that's

Zac Miller: because you thought you were dying. 

Kim Gravel: I knew I was dying. And the doctors told me, he was shocked. He was like, I don't know how you're not dead. I mean, we had blood, I had blood clots in, in my placenta. The size of softballs. I mean, several blood clots. I mean, they, they took all of that in a big jar and studied it. I mean, it was one of those things where I'm like, you know when people, when there's 30 people, nurses and doctors all up in your, just know this.

When, when, when you are sitting there and all of a sudden you look up in a hospital room and there's 30 or 40 people in there running around like chickens with their heads cut off and talking like this big mambo. I was like, what's okay? This ain't good. I mean, like, I mean, it's just everybody. There was big jars.

There was big incubators. I mean, it was just all this. It, it happened so fast and I was by myself. It was just me and Blanton on that bathroom floor. And no one will ever tell me I did not see that light, cuz I saw a light. And I felt the light. And when that all went away and I came to, and then the motion started happening.

And then Blanton was born, what? 10, 15 minutes later. Yeah, incredible. I knew I got to get busy with what I'm supposed to be doing on this earth cuz life is very, very precious and short. And that changed my whole life. Hmm. Now look, after that moment, I had another big aha moment because I was so, God had me in a huge.

Waiting period in my life from that moment to when I started really operating in that calling in a big way. So again, your fashion for greatness and the thread of your life is, is creating this calling that's lived out. It's not just one and done, I'm gonna do this, it's gonna, I mean that, that's what I realized in that moment, on that bathroom floor, I knew, well, there's gotta be a big reason why I'm here.

Because why would he just not go on and take me with him? And I know that sounds hokey and cheesy and again, and some people might not believe I really don't care. Because

Zac Miller: those are the moments. I mean, that's a life, right? You lived it. You lived it. And I, and you could feel it.

I mean, you could feel it from the writing, you could feel it from the, the, the just raw emotion in that scene. And, you know, I'm going into it thinking like, you know, at first I was like, well, this is like, I know, I know Kim's okay, obviously, but like, I know Blanton's. Okay. Right. But I was like, This is why our medical system so messed up.

Like why aren't these nurses listening to Kim? Kim's telling them there's a problem?

Kim Gravel: There's not a problem. She wouldn't think there was a problem. That's what I'm saying. It's like y'all, everything happens for a reason. Like everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn't take that experience for anything.

Zac Miller: And that's what I mean. It's it you, you had to be there. You had to be in that. Moment in that to do in that position. And then, and then my favorite, my by like the best like follow up to that is then you were so worried once your family arrived and everything was okay about cleaning up that damn bathroom.

And not letting

Kim Gravel: it looked like Carrie, that horror movie, Carrie, with the blood everywhere. It was everywhere. And what had happened was, I didn't know what it was, but the doctor later told me that. You know that these blood clots busted. I mean, it was on the walls. It was everywhere. I thought to myself, and I was so concerned because it looked scary.

It was very, I mean, my mother was gonna be like, Lord,

Zac Miller: didn't want your mom to go in there.

Kim Gravel: And Blanton was born without any of my family there. It was just me and Blanton and 20 doctors, 20 nurses in the room.

Zac Miller: That was so perfect for me. It's like that's, that's, you know, the, that's the mental load of being a mom and a woman.

Right? That's like

Kim Gravel: we're worried about where are they going? Where? Don't let 'em see all the blood in the bathroom.

Zac Miller: Don't let 'em see the, hide the bathroom. Hide the bloody bathroom for me, please.

Kim Gravel: I drove that woman crazy. She's like, please just get the nurse, somebody in here to clean the bathroom.

Zac Miller: Oh, Kim. Okay, so we're, we're almost outta time, but I do want to jump to sort of this last moment in the book. And there's so many great moments. Like, I mean, you go through, you know, winning Miss Georgia, losing Miss America. You go through just so many of these huge moments, getting onto QVC, saying no to QVC before saying yes to QVC.

Like all of these huge things in your life. But there was another sort of moment where that really stuck with me personally that I wanted to talk to you about. And it was the first time, I dunno if it was the first time, or it was one of the times you went on Steve Harvey. And it was the time.

And here I'm gonna, I'm gonna pull out the quote. You walked on the stage right and Steve says, you're the most confident woman he's ever seen. And then you go through in the book, and this is later in the book, and I think this is one of the things that I really like about the way that you've laid this all out, because it's not a straight line.

It's not like, here's how to do this. You know, you start going through this negative self-talk spiral, like on the stage in Steve Harvey, right? And the thing I won't read the whole thing, but it, it ended with you just saying to yourself, you're not enough. And

Kim Gravel: when he said that, and I walked out on the stage, Zac, I was like, you are the biggest fraud.

How the crap are you gonna teach this? Talk to this woman about having confidence when you're sitting up here and you're absolutely the most insecure person on the planet on the stage. And you know, I'm a professional, so I just kept on plowing through. But I think that's how we all feel about ourselves is that we feel like how we're presenting and what we're presenting is, is not who we are.

But, but let me tell you this, through that time when Steve said that, and I felt like I was a fraud on that stage in helping that girl, you know, through finding her confidence,

Zac Miller: Yeah, being a confidence coach, literally on the stage,

Kim Gravel: that was, that's what he called me, a confidence coach. And I'm like going, yep.

Oh my God. Oh, I'm so not confident. And and that was true. It was real. I mean, I'm not just saying that to be funny. It was real. And I remember, so I must have, you know, presented a little bit of hesitation because I was reading comments on Twitter afterwards, and this guy, I'll never forget it. Because I screenshot it, I still have it.

This guy said to me, confidence coach, she looks like the most insecure person I've ever met, ever seen, or something like that. And I normally don't respond to social media, negative social media. I really don't. Cuz everybody has their opinions and you know, God bless. Sure. But when I read it, I was like, he is so right.

And so I just responded to him. I said, you are absolutely right. I am. And that's when, that was another game changer for me in my self-confidence because I at that point was the realest authentic I'd ever been. Just saying, you know what? You're right. I am secure. I didn't justify it. I didn't try to say, and we all are and all that.

I just was like, you're right. I am insecure and there is. That in lies true confidence when you can be authentic and you can be real. And I don't mean real, like I'm just real. If you don't, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when you can just own the insecurities and the, and the mistakes and all of that and be okay anyway.

That's true confidence because y'all, we all have 'em. There is no one that has it all together. Yeah, and if you think I've got it all together, then you need to get some glasses because I don't of nothing together. I would actually say I have nothing together. I am, I am running around with my tail on fire about 90% of 94% of the time.

Zac Miller: And the other 6% you're in line at the drive-through or something?

Kim Gravel: I'm asleep. I'm asleep. That's how much sleep. I don't get y'all. I'm just saying. So you know, we can't look to, we can look to other people. You can look at this book and get encouragement. You can look at this book and get what's worked for me.

The little bit of stuff I've lived and the little bit of life I've lived, it's worked for me. But honestly, this book is to point you back to you. I want you to look at your life and what have you gleaned from it. So you've been through those divorces, you've been through the, the health problems, financial problems, you've been cheated on, betrayed.

You might have been the cheater, you might have messed up and made mistakes. You, you might have been, you know, fill in the blank. But all that works together for the good of your calling, if you'll let it.

And you know what? When you let it, the confidence that comes from walking in, that nobody can take it from you.

So if you say to me, Kim, are you confident? Heck yeah, I sure am. But it's not in my talents or my giftings or my razzle-dazzle personality or my bleach blonde hair, or my tig old bitties, or whatever you wanna call it. It's not, it's not in any of that. My confidence is I know who's I am and who I am, and I know why I'm here,

Zac Miller: and that's it.

No one is ever going to edify better than you.

Kim Gravel: I don't know about that. Not, not better. They won't do it better. They can probably do it just as good. But ain't nobody can do it better. No.

Zac Miller: And no one can do it like you.

Kim Gravel: That's right. But that's true for everybody, Zac. That's true for everybody.

Zac Miller: And now we're full circle.

Kim Gravel: No one can do your calling in in better than you. No one can. And no one has what you have. And, and people say to me all the time, and because I have a lot of cynics out there, are you in critics? And who are like, Ken? No. No, that sounds good. And what? It doesn't sound good. It is good. I'm living it and I'm Nobody's special.

I'm nobody's, I'm no, no Einstein out here. I'm no, you know, Victoria's secret swim model, I'm none of that. I just, I just am a regular old person out here who knows why she's here. And there's nothing more fulfilling than that. So if that helps one person, if this book helps one person on the path to what they're called for and confidence, I've done my job,

Zac Miller: I wanna leave it at that because I think for me, this book has been, Really like it, it really has touched me, Kim, and, and I'm not just saying that, I'm not just on the show saying that I, you know, I started reading it on the plane.

You gave it to me, I think, and I remember. There's like a moment. It's actually really funny, this, I'll leave at this. There's a moment where I was like, I'm so relieved because the book is actually really good. Like there was a moment where I was like, I'm so glad Kim's book is actually excellent because like, what about this podcast?

We're gonna be selling it either way, but it's actually good.

Kim Gravel: That's it. Drop my. Road music. That's it. That is, that's it. That's hilarious. Zac. I love this. Well, that means a lot to me.

Zac Miller: You're welcome, Kim.

Kim Gravel: Me too. Zac, me too.

Zac Miller: Well, thank you for coming on The Zac Miller Show, formerly The Kim Gravel Show.

 You could find Kim Gravel, all over the internet, buy Collecting Confidence everywhere books are sold. Buy it on QVC, buy it on everywhere. We love y'all. Thanks for coming.

Kim Gravel: We love y'all. Thank you, Zac. This was fun. This was great. Way to flip the script.

Zac Miller: All right. I love it. All right, let's play it out.

Let's play it out. Wait, wait first.

Kim Gravel: All right, y'all, here is a sneak peek of my new book Collecting Confidence, and I'm gonna be sharing the entire introduction of the book with you on why I wrote this book. One of my favorite parts of the introduction is I say, you're not broke and you don't need fixing. So listen to this. Why I wrote this book, you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending unknown.

Life has a way of knocking the breath out of you sometimes after one too many punches in the gut. We look for answers on television through spiritual practices and in self-help books. I have personally read more self-help books than Starbucks has drink combinations, and I have 31 unused planners in journals to prove it.

I also have more Sharpies than Office Max, and that's why I wrote this book. I'm looking for answers and I bet you are too. If you want to know how to repair your marriage or lose 30 pounds or be a better mom, then I'm just gonna tell you, you're reading the wrong book. Let me state for the record, this is not a self-help book.

I mean, it could be a self-appreciation book, a self-reflection book, or a self-confidence book, but not I repeat a self-help Look, I'm not asking you to help yourself get healthier or change it all. You don't have to do anything. You're not holding a book, you're holding a mirror, and not one of those scary 50 times magnifying mirrors that make you think, Hmm, when did I turn into Jabba?

This is a mirror that will help you see the magnificent, self-assured, beautiful creation you've always been. You might not see her immediately, but you'll see her slowly drop her guard and the true you will emerge. And she's a beauty. There's nothing new under the sun except you. Your unique hair, even if it's falling out and gray.

Your personality, even if you come on a little too strong or too shy and submissive, and your skin, whether you're brown like coffee or white as the creamer, this applies to you. Whether you are big and curvy or so skinny. You can stand under a clothes line and a rainstorm and stay dry. This book is not about how you categorize yourself or what you've done, girl, I don't care what you've done.

I've done bad things and made horrible decisions in my life and I'm still here. This is about something much bigger than the mess you may have made of the parts of your life. Where you are is where you were meant to be for now, but there's more for you in your future. Good things, beautiful things. This book will give you permission to be everything you were created to be starting from right where you are.

And the truth is that every woman from every walk of life can be exactly who she was meant to be. Spoiler alert, you were meant to be a person of confidence or to put it more memorably at person of tenacity and audacity. Yes, little all you hard to believe, I'll show you. We're gonna have some fun. We're gonna laugh, cry, and create together.

You're gonna pop outta bed with a new found sense of purpose. Everything you want and long for is possible. I'm a designer and the most enjoyable part of fashion to me is the design process. I get to let my creative juices run wild. What are we gonna make? What is it gonna look like? Let's try it this way.

Let's try another color. Imagine how fun it is to start designing your life. Be creative. Life is supposed to be fun, and it's gonna be, you're not broken, you don't need fixing, but that's a hard pill for some of us to swallow. I want to arm you with ways to protect your heart, mind, and calling because there are those who want to see you defeated.

I want this book to empower you, to help you understand the way you think about yourself, how you see yourself, and the way you talk to yourself. I want you to truly believe in your own beauty girl. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is no one else like you. Your story and your life experiences are unique and useful.

You don't have to clean up your act or change a lick to move into the wide open, spacious life. You long for deep within. Sometimes in life our confidence waxes and wanes. But the most important thing to remember is that in every experience, God allows us to learn and move and grow in our confidence, and we collect confidence, experience by experience.

So take out your journals, planters, Sharpies, and a big old box of tissue. Let's stop gasping for air because divine confidence is already right there in you. You have everything you need. And it's time to let it out.

Zac Miller: This was great.

Kim Gravel: way to flip the script. Yeah, let's do it. Thanks. Let's do it.

Zac Miller: Was I an okay host? Am I fired yet?

Kim Gravel: I thought you were fantastic.

Zac Miller: All right. I'm totally serious, Kim. There's a moment where I was like, oh, thank God this book is good. Like seriously.

Kim Gravel: The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.